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| 1. What are suggested for Bar and Bat Mitzvah invitations? |
When it comes to Bar and Bat Mitzvah invitations, as in any other marketplace, the forces of supply and demand are intimately connected. The glitzy, irreligious (even sacrilegious) designs found in some invitation books reflect the fact that many families demand such invitations (or, at least, choose them over others that are offered). Concerned parents must consider what is “appropriate,” “Jewishly meaningful,” and, of course, affordable. One useful way to frame the issue is to remember that the invitation is to a religious service (including the reading of Torah, our sacred text) and therefore should convey, through its design and content, a dignified, religious spirit. Ideally, the invitation should include some Hebrew as well as English text.
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| Last Updated: 5/3/2008 |
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| 2. What about invitation prices? |
| Be prepared for sticker shock the first time leaf through Bar and Bat Mitzvah invitation books. On careful examination, however, you will see that there are many styles that are relatively modest in cost and also Jewishly appropriate (also some beautiful, appropriate invitations that are more on the expensive side). If you like a particular design, it often can be produced on less expensive paper to keep the cost down. You can purchase invitations and envelopes but have the party inserts and reply cards (post cards cost less than cards-plus-envelopes and also save trees) printed separately and less expensively elsewhere. Inexpensive thank-you notes can be purchased anywhere and need not match a fancy party invitation. It is usually possible to include Hebrew text and Judaic art in whatever design you choose. Many families design their own exquisite Bar or Bat Mitzvah invitations, sometimes featuring their own calligraphy or other personal touches. There are many ways to come up with an appropriate, affordable, beautiful Bar or Bat Mitzvah invitation. |
| Last Updated: 2/3/2008 |
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| 3. When my child is invited to a school friend’s Bar/Bat Mizvah service, should I attend services with my child? |
| Attending the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service of a school friend is a family responsibility; the entire family should attend and is welcomed by the host synagogue. You’ll find it very gratifying to experience each new Bar/Bat Mitzvah with your child and your attendance will add the supervision that is necessary when many young people attend a service. If you need to be at another synagogue service or don’t drive on Shabbat, one family can cover for another and be responsible for your child. Dropping your child off at services is not appropriate. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 4. What is a Kosher party? |
| It is universally accepted that a party that utilized a Vaad (Council of Rabbis) approved caterer accommodates all levels of Kashrut. These caterers are prepared to explore with your family creative ways to be utilized in various settings. These caterers are eager to compete and create ways to be utilized in the synagogue, home or other locations. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 5. What should we do if non-kosher food will be served at a party? |
| If your child is invited to a party where non-kosher food will be served, this is in direct violation of many Hebrew school policies. Some families will choose not to attend the simcha on religious grounds. If you decide to let your child attend, please don’t hesitate to ask the host to furnish a kosher meal for your child. Families choosing to host parties at a non-kosher site should be very sensitive to this issue. They should realize that their decision is disrespectful to the educational goals of the school and basic precepts of Judaism. Violation of the Kashrut standards is an unethical practice as it directly undermines the educational message of the school and its families. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 6. What if a dairy party is taking place at a non-rabbinically supervised site? |
| Some families hold Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties at non-kosher establishments, but attempt to meet Kashrut standards by serving only diary products or kosher foods. Hosts of such parties should be prepared to explain to fellow families what is being prepared, how it is prepared and how it will be served. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 7. What is appropriate dress for boys and girls at services and parties? |
| Please encourage your child to dress like a mensch. Synagogues expect the boys will wear sport coats or suits and dress shoes and that girls will wear appropriate shul clothes. Strapless or low-cut dresses are not appropriate at services. Party dresses, no matter how fancy the affair, should offer a degree of modesty. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 8. What is the parent’s responsibility concerning R.S.V.P.ing to a party? |
| A part of the parents’ role during the Bar/Bat Mitzvah year is to teach their children social etiquette. Even though the invitation is addressed to your child, it is your responsibility to be sure he or she responds appropriately and on time. Once the response card is mailed, your child should not cancel at the last minute unless there a bona fide family emergency. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 9. Is the decision whether to attend a party the child’s or the parent’s? |
| Certainly, your child has a say in whether he or she would like to attend a party on a given weekend, but the decision should be made with adult supervision. There may be weekends of two or three parties; it is important to teach your child to be sensitive to all the children in the grade and try to share in everyone’s simcha. Also, do not allow your child to cancel attending one party in favor of another. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 10. Does my child have to attend services if he or she will be going to the party? |
| It goes without saying that the heart of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah simcha takes place in the synagogue at the religious service. Help your child to understand Jewish priorities by making it clear that it is inappropriate to miss the service unless your family needs are essential. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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| 11. What type of gift is appropriate for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child? If my child doesn’t attend the party, should I still send a gift? |
| Gifts or contributions make a child aware that he/she is attending a simcha and not a school program. While the amount and type of gift is a family decision, here are some guidelines: Some families may choose to send a tribute or donation (a JNF tree, for example). Some families will want to purchase presents or send checks. There are attempts for parents to set up present sharing clubs that would allow parents to pool their resources and keep expenses to a minimum by standardizing the gifts. Gift giving depends on how close your child is to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child, how many members of your family are attending and a host of other variables. |
| Last Updated: 1/4/2008 |
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